A certain grocery chain has capitalised on its reputation for not being the same as other supermarkets through a marketing campaign called “good different”. The silliness of their ads pokes good natured fun at their reputation, with the underlying message that difference holds a legitimate space in the marketplace.

When it comes to relationships, difference can often lead to friction and drive people apart. We may find it easier to accept personality differences when it comes to friendships but when it comes to partners, we often fall into the trap of trying to change them to be more like us. Before you go down that road, it’s important to know that personality tends to stay stable over time. Trying to change one another expends wasted time and energy. If you and your partner are struggling with personality differences, here are some tips that could make your journey smoother.
Remember when you were first dating, and you saw your partner’s personality in the best light? When you focus on what you appreciate about each other’s personality, you put those rose-colored glasses back on. Instead of fixating on negative aspects, try flipping your perspective to see the positive side of your partner’s traits. Be intentional about expressing your appreciation for unique aspects of each other’s personality. You’ll be sure to notice a positive effect on your interactions.
Having different personalities usually means you‘ll have different needs when it comes to feeling balanced, energised, motivated, fulfilled and recharged. Don’t assume that your partner should know what you need. Clearly communicating your needs puts you both in the position to be able to support each other in the best possible way. Learning how to accommodate one another’s personality-related needs will make both of you feel loved and understood.
Keep in mind that while you may find some traits of your partner irritating, you also have traits capable of irritating them. It comes with the territory of knowing each other well. Don’t take yourselves too seriously. Maintaining a sense of humour can help you keep things in perspective and smooth over unnecessary conflict.
Be flexible and willing to stretch outside your comfort zone every now and then to meet your spouse where they’re at. This might mean going to a social event you wouldn’t normally go to because it means a lot to your extroverted spouse. Or perhaps you’re normally not the most punctual person, but you make it a point to be early for an appointment your spouse is anxious about. Your personality may be set, but that doesn’t mean you have to be stuck in your ways. The ability to be flexible will help you manage the challenges of difference.
The unique combination of your personalities makes you a one-of-a-kind couple. Develop a strengths-based mindset. Negotiating difference grows you as a person way more than a cloned partner ever would. Celebrate your unique qualities and remember difference isn’t all that bad – it’s “good-different”!
Linda Gray
linda@relationshipsanctuary.com.au
0401 517 243